I got the idea to start this blog on a Sunday evening weeks ago when I went to see Philomena since it was nominated for best picture. I was not sure what I was in for, but I am forever grateful for this movie because it was an inspiration to me. It inspired me to start this blog, but more importantly it gave me hope during a very confusing time.
I love books. I mean really love books. I should have been an editor because I would be content just reading all day, every day. The only thing I knew about this film prior to seeing it was that it was based on a true story (which I love. ps. Leo is also a fan of films based on true stories if you look at his movie roles) which had been made into a book (which I also love). Sometimes when I am reading books I like to think about how the director would shoot the scenes I am reading. (Nerd Alert: I just finished reading Divergent and I am skeptical that they will be able to portray the scenes on film as well as I did in my head. Just saying.)
Philomena is based on a true story about a woman who is looking for her son whom she has been separated from for decades. Philomena (played by Judi Dench who, like Leo, should have won an oscar for her role in this film. Shame on you Academy.) is a teenage mother who raises her son in a Catholic boarding school in Ireland. I do not want to give the movie away but I must tell you this piece in order to discuss my point so SPOILER ALERT: the nuns put up her son for adoption and kept the money! I could not believe that something like this actually happened. And by NUNS! (This is not a good movie for nuns by the way. Luckily they have redeeming films like Sister Act, Sister Act II, and The Sound of Music. Watch one of these after you see Philomena to regain some faith in humanity.)
Although Philomena's son was a little older than children who usually develop an attachment disorder (he looks to be about 2 or so), this film got me thinking about it. From what the film showed, it appeared that Philomena was giving her son everything he needed, until he was taken away against her will. Depending on what his new living situation was like, he could have developed an attachment disorder due to: persistent disregard for the child's emotional needs for comfort & affection, persistent disregard for the child's physical needs, and repeated change of primary caregivers that prevent the formation of healthy attachments. Web MD describes attachment like this:
Attachment develops when a child is repeatedly soothed, comforted, and cared for, and when the caregiver consistently meets the child's needs. It is through attachment with a loving and protective caregiver that a young child learns to love and trust others, to become aware of others' feelings and needs, to regulate his or her emotions, and to develop healthy relationships and a positive self-image. The absence of emotional warmth during the first few years of life can negatively affect a child's entire future.
I have actually been thinking about attachment a lot over the past few weeks. This week was my last at a job in a residential treatment center for homeless women. A lot of the "magic" of therapy is based on the therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist. For anyone who has ever been in therapy, or even if you just have some really good relationships, you know that a bond is built when you share deep secrets, emotions, or experiences with someone. The middle highlighted sentence above is always my hope for anyone's therapeutic experience. Therapy should be an empowering journey where we learn to love ourselves, trust others, develop empathy (or at the least awareness), how to regulate our emotions, how to develop healthy relationships, and how to see ourselves in a positive manner. As I spent the last few weeks transitioning my clients, our bond was at the forefront of my mind. I wanted to make sure that our "detachment" so to speak would not feel like a disregard for their emotional needs, physical needs (I was also their case manager), or prevent them from developing healthy attachments due to a change in care. Very few people welcome change but I have faith that the women I was working with will do just fine this week, and the week after that, and the week after that.
Philomena had some guts. It took guts to dive into the unknown (what I believe to be the scariest thing for us humans) and search for her son. In watching her search, she gave me guts too. It took guts for me to start this blog and not worry about how people my think or react to it. It took guts to leave my job and pursue a new one. It takes guts to be vulnerable and actually type these words, but it is worth it. I do not want to live a life where I don't have to exercise my guts. I am thankful for Philomena and for her guts. Her story has been an inspiration to me in many ways. I hope you will allow her to inspire you as well.
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